Parenting is harrrrrrrd work.

Damn hard, with the trenches of motherhood becoming evermoreso unforgiving, especially when we’re in public.

Why is that??

The books tell us that if the ‘rules’ for our children are enforced at home, that the same principals will adapt into other facets of everyday life.

I CALL BULLSHIT

Who on God’s green earth wrote these books laws idiosyncrasies??? And why do all the ‘rules’ seem to only apply to a certain sect of children who are not my own?

When I was studying to become a child psychologist (before I got knocked up with Dragon Number One and had to drop out.. but that’s a different blog post) we studied all these different case studies and children and problems and statements were made that lead you to believe that basically all children were wired the same. If you had Problem A and you added Management B then you would get Solution C.

(I’m talking pythagorean theorem here, in case you’re lost. HA! A math joke! Who knew I was capable?)

Again, I CALL BULLSHIT.

Obviously, these highly respected doctors of their craft never had actual, living children. Or else they’d know better.

Kids are assholes, no matter how you slice it, and ain’t a professional alive gonna admit it.

This shit is hard and the Village absolutely has to stick together. It is so ardently crucial to know that we aren’t in this alone. That while your kids are flipping their shit at the pool in a scene that supersedes only the four horsemen of the apocalypse (seriously, WTF?? How is it humanly possible for them to be THIS irate at the Mecca of summertime?) all the other moms (judge as they may) are secretly cheering you on. They know deep down they’ve been there too and they are WITH you.

Sanctimommies, this is a good time for you to SIT DOWN. Ain’t nobody got time for you OR your lies.

It’s so important to know that our dragons, who are hardly a model for emotional stability,  legit can not keep their shit together. They just can’t.

Ever.

And it becomes a fruitless effort to assume otherwise.

And sometimes, we just have to sing the mantra of our BFF, Dori.

Just keep swimming,
Just keep swimming,
Just keep swimming swimming swimming,
What do we do, we swim swim swim                                                                                                                      (or parent, parent, parent..)

When your dragon(s) just won’t stay in bed after 65 books and 3o rounds of You Are My Sunshine…

Just Keep Swimming.

When they just won’t quit carrying out terroristic threats against their sibling..

Just Keep Swimming 

When they just absolutely deny (AND THROW BACK ATCHU) the very thing juice they demanded..

Just Keep Swimming 

When you can’t drop a deuce without the entire house catching fire…

Just Keep Swimming 

Because we know our dragons (one day, hopefully, by the grace of God) are going to rule the world.

So this is for you, all you Mother’s of Dragons

We got this. Ain’t a professioal woman alive that can tell us otherwise

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