MoD Goes to the Gynecologist

It’s like the dentist, but without pants!

Well ladies, it’s that time of year again and I thought I’d make the most of it by asking my gyno all the questions we ACTUALLY want to know. We’ve all read in Cosmo that it doesn’t matter if we shave our legs or choose to keep our socks on (and for the record, it does matter, thankyouverymuch), but that doesn’t make those cold stirrups or the fact that I’m spread eagle with someones face in my vagina, any easier to deal with. Unless you’re on the Columbian Women’s Cycling Team you probably aren’t accustom to showing off your vagine

Colombian Women's Cycling Team

Colombian Women’s Cycling Team

so as for myself, I want to know what the other women are doing and how I stack up.

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This whole idea started when I saw that in a survey of women, only half of those surveyed could correctly label a vagina on a simple diagram.

images

And according to the same survey, 65% felt uncomfortable saying the world “vagina” or “vulva”. Fortunately for you, I have no such qualms. So, for your entertainment, here are the pertinent questions you’re dying to know the answers to:

What percentage of women groom before they see you? About 50%

What are the current trends in landscaping? A very small percentage go full Brazilian. I mostly see women who groom around their bikini line.

There are rumors floating around that the Full Bush is making a come back. Would you agree? ::laughter:: Absolutely not. The FB will never come back. What I tell all of my patients, because this is what I do, is just use your husbands trimmer. We need hair down there. It’s very important! It’s about finding a happy balance between a 12 year old girl and full on bush.

-Percentage of women who keep their socks on? About 75%.

-Do kegels actually work? Yes! But they’re not important for leakage.

-Percentage of women who shave their legs? 2% in the Winter, about 95% in Summer. images (4)

-Percentage of women who vajazzle? You’d be surprised… images (5)

-Is it REALLY necessary for a healthy woman to get a pregnancy vaginal exam? YES! When you’re pregnant you have a suppressed immune system, therefore you’re more likely to have infections (and a list of other things I can’t remember…..)

-Have any of your patients ever hit on you? What? No! At least I don’t think so… download (1)

-Percentage of women who leave their underwear on? Surprisingly, about 7%. There is a small subset of women who do not understand their basic anatomy, which leaves me quite befuddled.

And lastly, a few words from the great doctor:

-Don’t be afraid to ask me anything. I ask stupid questions too.

-It’s your feet that stink.

-If you scrub your bottom with tp when you give your sample (in a last attempt to ‘clean’) the tp rolls up into tiny balls that you can’t see but I can

-Insurance is more likely to cover high risk patients (aka sluts)

-It’s more likely that the cucumber/hotdog scenario becomes a funny story if we’re lied to. We know how it got there.

-It doesn’t matter if you wipe from back to front

-Don’t bring small children. They WILL look and they WILL embarrass you by asking questions/making comments only toddlers know how to make/ask. Moms, you know what I’m saying.

So ladies, there you have it. Hopefully this will make your next trip a little more bearable. Cheers!

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