What The Kids Are Wearing.. Halloween ’14

Every year around this time the Pinterest Moms lose their damn minds… It’s an atomic explosion of pumpkins, glittery leaves and lattes. It’s where those less dexterous go to die. Then there is a whole other realm of moms – those who venture even further into the black hole and one-up everyone else. They’re the moms who construct the perfect (read: obnoxious) halloween costumes for their perfect (read: manic) children.

Ten bucks says this shot took at least 8 hours and a bribe to Disney World to capture: Image 3So I did some research on what the dopest kids on the block are wearing for Halloween and I have to say my friend Bob Dylan sums it up best: “the times, they are a changin” and girl, we gotta keep up.

Below, I have listed all the costumes you need to keep your kid from being targeted by the bullies. This year, the cool kids won’t dump your kid in the trash for wearing Caillou. This year, your kid will be doing the dumping.. Suddenly the dumpee becomes the dumper and all is made right in the world.

Without further adieu, I introduce to you: The Pope of Pimping: Fillmore Slim. Image 14

Instead of candy, this badass will be bringing home this months mortgage payment.. And maybe even a new babysitter. *wink*

Cannibis Baby: because epilepsy awareness needs to be brought-itImage 21

This father-son duo who is sure to be the life of the partyImage 18

Hooters Baby: Because why not?

Image 20

Bambi: because Halloween Express was fresh out of apple bottom jeans… (She is, however, saving the boots with the fur for the shoe show)Image 11Nothing spells regret like fishnets and Aqua di Gio…

Rack’em WillieImage 10Because Rack’ems famous, yo!

Safety First Baby for the philanthropist who wants to spread awareness: Image 19Don’t be silly, cover your willie!

Baby Marlboro: who will be meeting up with the philanthropist and bambi to swap candy

Image 17

And last but not least, Hitler.. Because he’s got jokes!Image 13

Q: If you’re an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

A: European!

Hopefully this helped weed out some of the not-so-popular costumes you might have been considering..  Now go tell all the Pinterest moms to go dig their kids out of the trash

Yessslawd.

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